Not the perfect way to start one's first blog entry I guess :)
"Rohan,You've matured a great deal." said somebody today.
Matured I? Physically, not really. Mentally? Don't really know.Today (Sunday, 1.40 am 6,April) this thought has been worrying me a great deal. What is this maturity all about? Is it my awareness as a member of my family? Is it my awareness that I must look good when going to college? Is my maturity anything to do with my views towards Sex/AIDS/Homosexuality?
Yes, Rohan you've matured. You've matured cause you value relationships after this 'n' number of relationships you've been through.You've matured cause you no longer see yourself as the kid of the family, rather you see yourself as one of the 'earning' members. You've matured because you can make out what the bastards are furiously saying in those Hollywood flicks. You've matured cause you distinguish a girl from a 'chick'. You've matured cause shed tears when you don't get what you want from that 'someone'. You've matured cause you're in college and are about to step into the 'Real World'.You've matured cause Popeye doesn't make you laugh anymore. You've matured cause you find it childish.
But then another thought is worrying me now. Its such an 'immature' thought at that. The thought says "What's the use?". The thought wants me to go back to the days when I was happy. The thought wants to me to go back to the day when I last woke up not dreading my daily duty - work/study. The thought wants me to go back to the day when I actually went to bed looking at the stars and not with the thought of my pending syllabi or with the thought of my Boss' reaction today at work. The thought wants me to go back to the day when I actually went out in the rain to get 'wet'. The thought wants me to go back to the day when I didn't have the burden of a broken heart, the day I was immortal. The day words didn't have the power to hurt me. They days words were just sounds.
Why the fuck is this thought disturbing me? Stead I should be disturbed at the thought of the tiff I had today with a friend. Go away bastard. Just leave me alone. Why do want me to be happy again? Why are you forcing me to think about the day when I was god? Why do you wan't me to be a child again? Why do you want me to go to school by crossing the street holding Dad's hand?
Why do you force me to revert to those days when a girl was just another body and did not mean something else? Why do you force me to go back to the day when relationships did not have the power to make me cry. Why go back to the days when Ma's slap was the only form of hurt.
They say I've been living for the past nineteen years. Perhaps I stopped living the day I matured. Perhaps I'm not living really. Perhaps I'm only maturing further. Becoming worried further. Perhaps experiencing more pain than yesterday..
... And they say being Immature is a bad thing. How I wish i did not mature. At all :(
